Sunday, October 1

How Loud Should The ‘No’ Of A Rape Survivor Be?

LT, Lucknow, BCCL

Mahmood Farooqui. LT ,Lucknow Photo - By Krishan

The Delhi High Court's acquittal of filmmaker Mahmood Farooqui, who was accused of rape by a research scholar, has drawn much flak for its insensitivity towards the complex issue of consent.
The HC reversed a seven-year imprisonment awarded to Farooqui by a session's court in 2016. Although the jury categorically stated that "past conduct will definitely not amount to consent for what happened during the incident—and for every sexual act every time consent is a must," it seems the verdict has been reasonably impacted by the past relationship shared between the accused and the survivor.

A landmark judgment

This is the first judgment that recognises the 2013 amendment to the definition of rape. The amendment includes forced sexual acts other than penile-vaginal penetration within the definition of rape. This has been achieved after a long fight to expand the legal definition of rape.

The 82-page verdict is a must read for every woman and man to understand the legal complications in establishing consent. A court of law is different from our drawing room discussions, where we often pronounce guilt or innocence based on our perceptions. But for the law, all assumptions are based on admissible evidence, where the impact is enormous not just for the parties involved but for future complainants as well. Thus, it becomes even more essential for a court of law to ascertain the truth by viewing the facts through a gender sensitive lens.

Some familiarity with the complex vulnerabilities and trauma of suffering uninvited sexual intrusion would have gone a long way in clearing doubts over consent.

I have never heard the phrase "feeble no". I have just known "no" and "yes."

Although I am no authority to pronounce someone guilty and I may not be aware of all legalities, but to me the conclusions drawn in the judgment are bizarre. In all these years, I have never heard the phrase "feeble no". I have just known "no" and "yes". This concept of a "feeble no" introduced in this case is a veritable disaster that will set a dangerous precedence and allow facts to be twisted more easily. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and awareness for any woman to come to terms with sexual abuse, especially by somebody she knows. Raising doubts over a delay in filing an FIR, or the slow response from the survivor, shows lack of sensitisation over crimes against women.

Fact is, in 95% rape cases, the offender is known to the victim. So why is the court calling into question the prior friendship between Farooqui and the survivor? If a "feeble no" becomes equivalent to a yes, then all cases of domestic or sexual abuse involving family members or acquaintances will be perceived as an "invitation." All sexual assaults—on the streets or at home, with a stranger or a known person, with a strong resistance or a weaker one—do not play out the same way. It is obvious that every person will respond differently. It is inhuman to assume how rape survivors should, or ought to, react, whether it's how long they take to report the crime or how forcefully they resist the violation.

Every time women's rights move two steps ahead, there are incidents that take them a step backward.

The verdict comes straight out of a cheap Bollywood saga, which has taught men in our country to take a woman's NO as a yes.
Every time women's rights move two steps ahead, there are incidents that take them a step backward. The recent verdict is a perfect example of prioritising gender sensitisation in our legal framework. Also, this is not something that can be taught in one workshop and magically infused into the system. It is a lifelong process that begins at home. If every man was taught about consent, just like girls are fed with the concept of "honour," there would be fewer perpetrators of crime, and fewer insensitive arguments.
The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of HuffPost India. Any omissions or errors are the author's and HuffPost India does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.

What To Expect (Financially) When You Are Expecting

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You know, the one thing no one talks to you about when you're expecting is this: your bundle of joy could bring you a bundle of worries. Becoming a parent comes with extra responsibilities, lifestyle changes and, most importantly, a whole lot of new financial commitments.

Now, this sounds fairly commonsensical, but try and plan ahead. If you start preparing for parenthood two or three years in advance, there's nothing like it. This time will help you plan mentally, physically, and financially. But not to worry if you don't have so long—even the most unplanned pregnancies will usually give you at least eight months to prepare for the new arrival!

Understanding baby expense categories

Having a baby will bring with you expenses in different categories.

Essential direct costs: These are the costs directly related to the child. They include, for instance, medical expenses related to the pregnancy and birth, postnatal expenses, baby essentials such as food, diapers, etc (next time you are in the supermarket, take a look at baby food and diaper brands— you'll be surprised by how expensive these can get.)
Non-essential direct costs: These are the costs directly related to the child, but which can be reduced (or even avoided) depending on what kind of person you are. A lot of new parents go overboard buying toys, clothes, and baby accessories just out of sheer excitement. But try not to get too carried away. For one, your baby is going to outgrow his clothes before you can say peek-a-boo. Ask yourself if your baby really needs that state-of-the-art pram with seven types of functionalities, or will a simple, foldable one do? Think about who really cares about the themed bedroom with the matching curtains and wallpaper and bed linen—you or the baby? We aren't saying that you shouldn't indulge a little, but take a long and hard look to ensure you aren't going too far.

While planning, sit down with your partner and chart out a rough timeline to understand how much money you will need coming in at what point of time.

Indirect costs: These are the costs you will incur as a result of your changed lifestyle. For instance, the loss of salary from a maternity leave, the additional cost of childcare help, or the cost of shifting to a new place, be it for better amenities or to move closer to your workplace or parents' home.
Long-term costs: This includes everything that comes with raising a happy, healthy child: school fees, holidays, health-related expenses, and investments for his/her future.

You will notice that some of these costs are incurred in bulk at certain times and others recur over a period of time. While planning, sit down with your partner and chart out a rough timeline to understand how much money you will need coming in at what point of time.

Ways to cut costs without cutting corners

Are you open to hand-me-down toys and clothes in good condition from cousins and friends? This is an accepted and welcome practice in Japan, Europe and the US. But though we ourselves grew up using our cousins' things, we are often reluctant to do this for our kids. Honestly, there's nothing embarrassing about it—it's just a very practical, sensible way to think. This will help bring down expenses a great deal. Plus, as your baby grows, you will have a different set of relatives/friends to tap into!

Check with both sets of parents if they are willing to offer child support help. In which case, you could move in next to them or have them move in with you. This will get rid of a lot of emotional stress, make sense financially, and help you/your partner get back to work after parental leave sooner. And the truth is, literally no one will take care of your kid like a doting grandparent!

Planning your finances for the new arrival

First off, make sure you have a good health insurance plan that covers childcare and related expenses. The coverage you have from your employer may not always be sufficient, so make sure you understand the terms and buy/upgrade to a new policy if needed.

Putting money aside in a bank account, FD or RD will not really help you here as they will give you just about 4-5% returns.

Next, plan for a bigger monthly budget, taking into account the fact that you/your partner may not be able to get back to work for nearly a year. Putting money aside in a bank account, FD or RD will not really help you here as they will give you just about 4-5% returns. Instead you can get better returns and balance risk and safety by investing in good portfolios of balanced funds. There are various options available in the market depending on the balance between equity and debt that you might want to strike. This is a good strategy to take for a three–six-year investment horizon. Returns on all options on the link will have 100% tax exemption if you are invested for more than 1 year.
For some short-term goals like creating a corpus for school admissions or yearly family vacations, you can also invest in corporate bond funds. If you are invested for more than three years, you will get the benefit of indexation which can reduce your tax impact to 3–5%.
Lastly, don't think that you have a lot of time before you have to start worrying about your child's education. Set up financial goals on a good goal-based investing platform. The sooner you start, the less you'll have to spend and the more you'll have saved up. Our Kid's Education Fund Builder tool will help you plan how and where to invest. Try it—your child is going to thank you for it one day.
Happy parenting!
The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of HuffPost India. Any omissions or errors are the author's and HuffPost India does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.

10 Cooking Tips For Indian Bachelors By Saransh Goila

Akhilesh Yadav Takes On Dynastic Politics By Announcing His Wife Won’t Fight 2019 Polls

Policy Analyst, Pahle India Foundation

Hindustan Times via Getty Images

At a time when the entire nation is debating on nepotism and struggling to be on the right side, on September 24, 2017, Shri Akhilesh Yadav announced that his wife, Smt. Dimple Yadav, second-time Lok Sabha MP from Kannauj, Uttar Pradesh, will not be contesting the 2019 Lok Sabha elections. He clearly stated that he wished to tackle "parivarwaad" or dynastic politics in the Samajwadi Party and challenged the BJP to address the issue within its own ranks.

This is not the first time that Akhilesh Yadav has made a well-intentioned yet politically risky announcement. A leader known for his corruption free track record and development-based "kaam bolta hai" campaign, Akhilesh Yadav has yet again rejected the tried and tested formula of family politics.

His decision to keep Dimple Yadav, a star campaigner, out of the crucial 2019 elections will disappoint a critical mass of the electorate, male as well as female.

It is understandable that Akhilesh Yadav wanted to absolve himself of the infamous "parivarwaad" that has tarnished his party's image for too long. However, his decision to keep Dimple Yadav, a star campaigner, out of the crucial 2019 elections will disappoint a critical mass of the electorate, male as well as female. While Dimple Yadav may have entered the political arena as Netaji's bahu, her evolution from a fumbling parliamentarian to a composed, self-assured campaigner in the 2017 UP Vidhan Sabha elections is for all to see. She addressed more than 15 rallies and campaigned extensively for Akhilesh Yadav at a time when some of his own people had publicly abandoned him. Her speeches addressed sensitive issues such as sanitary napkins and breast cancer, and her political remarks on BJP leaders ruffled many feathers. While the party workers came up with the slogan, "Vikas ki chabhi, Dimple bhabhi", journalists touted the couple as the future "PM-CM" power duo.

Dimple Yadav's face served the party in two ways. First, it warmed women towards the party which had thus far earned a dubious reputation with them. Second, her urban image and progressive background synergised with that of Akhilesh Yadav. She represented the modern Indian woman who was trying to strike a balance between family and work. She was a symbol of gender equality, when she shared the last road show with Akhilesh Yadav and Rahul Gandhi in Varanasi. She helped the quintessentially rustic party to expand its reach to the urban masses.

In the 16^th Lok Sabha, the Samajwadi Party has five Lok Sabha MPs, all of whom have familial connections with the first family. The promotion of family members in the SP has met with criticism not only from the opposition, but also from the ground-level party cadres who feel left behind as family invariably takes precedence over meritocracy. It is interesting to note that in 1967, Mulayam Singh Yadav was given a ticket to contest elections from Jastwantnagar, UP, by the socialist stalwart, Ram Manohar Lohia, the uncompromising critic of the Nehru Gandhi dynasty.

Name of the MP	Constituency	Term	% Votes in 2014

Mulayam Singh Yadav	Azamgarh	Sixth	35.43
Dharmendra Yadav	Badaun	Third	48.50
Dimple Yadav	Kannauj	Second	43.89
Akshay Yadav	Firozabad	First	48.39
Tej Pratap Singh Yadav	Mainpuri	First	64.89

Indian politics continues to "revolve significantly around inheritance, dynasty and nepotism.
Dynastic politics may not be popular, but dynastic politicians are." At least one in five members of Parliament elected in 2014 came from a political family. Moreover, even the BJP, with the lowest share of dynasts in 16^th Lok Sabha (16.7%) is driven by nepotism in the younger age-group. 50 percent of BJP's MPs under the age of forty have a family connection in politics and 25 women out of 61 women in the 16th Lok Sabha elections are related to politicians (data from here and here).

Irrespective of whether this move will acquit Samajwadi Party of parivarwaad, or not, it is clear that Akhilesh Yadav has once again, exogenously taken control of the narrative.

Notwithstanding the current debate on whether nepotism in politics is justified or an unnecessary bane, it is unfortunate that the Samajwadi Party seems to have lost for 2019 a promising MP candidate who enjoyed popularity across economic and social strata. Still, at a time when certain leaders are justifying nepotism, Akhilesh Yadav has once again emerged as a leader who is not afraid to take the road less travelled. He is desperate to bring positive reforms in the party, which will motivate the cadres and send out a telling message to his critics. Irrespective of whether this move will acquit Samajwadi Party of parivarwaad, or not, it is clear that Akhilesh Yadav has once again, exogenously taken control of the narrative.
The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of HuffPost India. Any omissions or errors are the author's and HuffPost India does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.

9 Self Made Indians Whose Success Will Inspire You

The Important Reason One Woman Refused To Cover Up Her Birthmark On Her Wedding Day

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It’s all too easy to be hyper-critical of your appearance, cursing the dark circles under your eyes or wishing away the flush of rosacea on your cheeks. Sometimes, maybe you just want to just swipe on some concealer and make it all disappear. But Ferrin Roy, a mental health counselor, is making a case for learning to love what makes you different.

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Born with a 4-inch-wide birthmark under her eye that covers the entire right side of her face, Roy has received countless negative comments and stares on account of this “imperfection,” but refused to conceal it — even on her wedding day. In fact, she revealed to The Daily Mail that she will never be ashamed of her birthmark or cover it with makeup. Talk about some kick-ass confidence. “I completely embrace my birthmark — I never covered it and never will,” she told the website. That’s not to say she hasn’t been challenged by society’s narrow-minded perception of beauty. On the contrary, the mother of two has been so moved to spread her message of self-love that she’s written a book titled, The Mark She Kept: A Woman’s Journey to Living Her Purpose Courageously.

Her reason for speaking out wasn’t due to her own insecurities, either, but the negativity and judgement others placed on her appearance. “My birthmark is not only raising awareness but it’s helping others embrace their uniqueness,” she said. “I’ve always felt confident while gazing into a mirror. It was the opinion of others that I allowed to linger on for too long. Surprisingly, the second I became free of insecurities, questions from others stopped.”

It’s a lesson in self-love we all need to hear, especially considering how easy it is to nitpick every little imperfection. As the clichéd saying goes, beauty is more than skin-deep — and Roy is the perfect example.

By: Megan Decker